Mentor Sentences- Day 3

Invitation to Revise

Focus Lesson: Figurative Language-Simile

Good writers use all kinds of craft when they write so that it’s interesting to the reader. This mentor sentence has a beautiful example of figurative language.  Figurative language can be tricky, but it makes writing so beautiful! When we speak, we use different expressions to explain ourselves, similes and figurative language help us with being more vivid with our writing.

Example: Her heart was as COLD as ICE. What does this mean? Is her heart really icy? The students took some time to unpack the meaning of the simile…”She isn’t nice, she doesn’t have empathy, she’s not kind.” they suggested. Maddie made a great connection to The Grinch, and how his heart grew smaller and smaller…his heart was as cold as ice.

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The children were then directed back to the mentor sentence to identify where the simile was. They noted that the figurative language was used at the end of the sentence to describe the sound of the book closing and that it was loud like a gunshot.

Mary Jacob revealed her revised sentence…

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What did she revise? The students identified how her sentence changed, but continued to follow the same craft as the original sentence in The Junkyard Wars. What was ADDED, REMOVED, MOVED, or SUBSTITUTED? (ARMS)

Now it was the students’ turn…they came up with some pretty amazing thoughts! Check them out!

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Then she inhaled the dirty air of the junkyard and it sounded as loud as a huge wave hitting the soft sand on a beach.


She took one deep breath and then slammed the new book so fast it was like a quick marathon. 

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